What a weird and funny place Twitter is. Here's a sampling from April 11:
Andy Borowitz: I'm writing a Young Adult novel about a dystopian society in which all entertainment is aimed at 13-year-olds.
Arianna Huffington: Happy 6th birthday, Romneycare! sorry your father left you....
Juddy: I'd like to thank all the non-crazy people on here for... Hello? Anyone there? F* YOU
Dikinya Boote: If the sound of running water helps people to pee, does turning on Fox News help people that are constipated?
Denton: Morality: doing right regardless of what you are told. Religion: doing what you are told regardless of what is right.
BaconT: Life's all about figuring out what you're willing to sacrifice in the pursuit of happiness. For me, it's goats.
TheBadLemon: I hope I never lock myself out of my car while parked at a Planned Parenthood. It would be weird walking in there asking for a coat hanger.
Dddianapril: The worst things in life are also free.
Lisa Laughs: There was a time when my life was perfect. Drugs were free, always drunk, food and sleep were plentiful. Then I was born.
Moonface: One nation, undereducated, with lies and misinformation for all.
Yochristie: I bet you one unplanned pregnancy that you're secretly pro-choice.
Shari Vanderwerf: My weapons permit application asks if I've ever been diagnosed with a mental illness. I checked "no" because 16 is more than one.